Want to make kids happy? Help them experience the warm glow of giving.

© 2020 Gwen Dewar, all rights reserved

Are little kids intrinsically selfish? Many people assume
so. But scientific research suggests otherwise. Like adults, children experience the warm glow of
giving. And it’s a motivating force for good.

Psychologists call it “the warm glow of giving,”
and it’s a well-documented phenomenon among adults. In fact, neuroscientists
have tracked it in the brain.

When we engage in acts of altruistic giving — helping
others at a cost to ourselves — we experienced heightened activity in the brain’s
reward centers (Filkowski et al 2016).

And what’s interesting about giving is that we don’t become habituated
to its effects — not easily.

In experiments where researchers compared giving and
receiving, they found that people quickly became accustomed to receiving a
daily cash prize. They reacted with progressively less happiness as the week
rolled by.

But if people gave these daily windfalls to someone else? The
happiness didn’t diminish (O’Brien and Kassirer 2019).

So giving to others gives us an immediate, pleasant,
physiological rush. Why? It’s probably related to the natural high we experience
when somebody smiles at us (Yang and Urminsky 2018). Gift-giving is a pretty
reliable way of eliciting that reaction.

It may also depend on our ability to
empathize and engage in perspective-taking.

But whatever the immediate triggers may be, it’s clear that
this “warm glow” has good consequences. It motivates us to give. So
we’re left with an important question about child development.

Do little kids feel the warm glow? Does it motivate them to give?

Laura Aknin and her colleagues wanted to know, so they
designed a pioneering experiment (Aknin et al 2012).

xAknin et al 2012 Meeting Monkey min.jpg.pagespeed.ic.8bYfskgm4K - Want to make kids happy? Help them experience the warm glow of giving.Experimental image: Child meets “Monkey.” Copyright Aknin et al 2012

The researchers recruited Canadian toddlers — only 20 to 22
months of age — and introduced these children to a couple of strangers: A friendly
human experimenter, and an equally pleasant animal puppet named

The adult experimenter explained that Monkey liked treats,
and pointed out that neither Monkey nor the child had any.

Then experimenter pretended to discover some treats. (“Oh
look! I found some treats!”

The experimenter gave them to the child.

xAknin et al 2012 child gets windfall treats min.jpg.pagespeed.ic.pmrC epEqj - Want to make kids happy? Help them experience the warm glow of giving.Child receives windfall of treats. Copyright Aknin et al 2012

The researchers were videotaping all of this, so they could
capture the child’s emotional reaction when he or she first received the
treats. And the camera kept running during the remaining part of the procedure,
which included three additional events:

  • The experimenter “found” yet another treat, which
    she gave to the puppet. “Oh look! I found one more treat. I’m going to
    give it to Monkey!”
  • The experimenter found an additional treat. But instead of
    merely handing it over to Monkey, the experimenter asked the child to play a
    role. “Oh look! I found one more treat. Will you give it to Monkey?”
  • The experimenter pretended to look for further treats. No
    success. So the experimenter prompted the child to engage in what psychologists
    call “costly sharing.” The experimenter asked the child to donate a
    treat from his or her own, personal stash. “I do not see any more treats.
    Will you give one of your treats to Monkey?”

To make sure the order of these events didn’t affect
outcomes, the researchers mixed things up. Some kids experienced the request to
share first; others experienced it later, after they’d observed the adult
experimenter give Monkey a treat.

But by the end, every child had experienced all three
events, and kids were cooperative when asked to give.

xAknin et al 2012 child gives min.jpg.pagespeed.ic.WGbvIpoX7s - Want to make kids happy? Help them experience the warm glow of giving.Child gives Monkey treats. Copyright Aknin et al 2012.

So how did children feel during
the experiment?

When impartial, trained observers looked over the video
recordings, they detected a little surge of happiness in children when they
first met the puppet.

Kids showed considerably less happiness when they received
that initial, one-sided windfall of treats.

But afterwards, things picked up — especially when kids
engaged in sharing, and most especially when kids engaged in costly sharing.

Indeed, the children seemed to enjoy giving more than
receiving. They displayed more happiness when they shared treats with Monkey.  And the highest levels of happiness? Kids
seemed to enjoy themselves the most after they handed over a treat from their
own, personal stash.

A fluke? There were only 23 toddlers in this experiment, and
we can always question whether the results of one, small study reflect chance
factors. We should also be careful about generalizing from one culture to the
next. These kids lived in Canada. Maybe Canadian children are raised to feel
especially happy about giving.

But other, subsequent studies — conducted in several
different societies — back up the central idea: Young children get a warm glow
from being generous. 

For example, Lara Aknin’s group visited an isolated, rural
village on Tanna, a small island in the South Pacific.

xTanna island village Vanuatu by gg foto shutterstock 300x min.jpg.pagespeed.ic.cCtJuDDMT7 - Want to make kids happy? Help them experience the warm glow of giving.

The researchers
conducted the same experiment on a group of 20 kids — children ranging in age
between 28 and 50 months — and the results were the same.

Kids seemed happier
giving than receiving, and they displayed the highest levels of happiness when
they gave away their own treats
(Aknin et al 2015).

And, more recently, another research team — led by Yue Song
— tested Aknin’s experimental procedure on 122 toddlers living in the
Netherlands and 91 preschoolers living in China.

Once again, the researchers
found evidence for the “warm glow” of giving. Kids were happier when
they shared — especially when their act of sharing came at a personal cost.

So it really does appear that young children enjoy the act
of giving. And there’s additional evidence that such feelings prompt children to be generous.

a study of preschoolers, the kids who were most likely to be generous
were the ones who had a conscious understanding of the psychological
rewards of giving (Paulus and Moore 2017).

But hang on. How does this jibe with our everyday observations? Of conflicts? Of kids who refuse to share?

If the results of these studies seem to defy your everyday experience — if it seems that your toddler’s favorite word is “mine!” —
consider the context.

In the puppet experiments, children were guided by a
friendly adult, and the amount of generosity requested from them was relatively
modest. Kids with several treats were asked to spare a few for someone else.

It was costly sharing, yes, but the cost wasn’t especially high. Nobody
asked the kids to hand over their cherished possessions.

If your toddler is
reluctant to trust her favorite toy with another child, we need to remember:
This is a very normal reaction, and it isn’t only toddlers who feel this way.

I suspect most parents aren’t in the habit of sharing their most valued possessions with people they meet on the playground. And for young children, this kind of sharing may feel especially risky. They are lacking in authority, experience, and confidence. If I let Mike play with my toy truck, will he give it back? Maybe not!

So when it comes to these more risky acts of sharing, we need to cut children some slack. But that doesn’t take away from the main conclusion of the “warm glow” experiments. Even very young children get a pleasant buzz from acts of generosity.

And that’s something we can build on. We can encourage kids to be generous by providing them with easy,
non-threatening opportunities to give and share.

The crucial caveat? We need to avoid the use of force. When
kids are forcibly required to give or share, they don’t experience the warm
glow (e.g., Wu et al 2017).

It’s something that modern-day hunter-gatherers seem to
understand. Learning to share is essential to their way of life, and they foster
it in children from an early age. But they don’t do it by bossing their
children around.

Instead, the play little sharing games with their toddlers —
teaching children to exchange beads and baubles back and forth.

It’s a lesson
we might all put to good use.

More information

What else do studies tell us about encouraging generosity in children?

Learn more in my article, “Raising helpful kids: Tips for
teaching generosity and kindness.”

And if you are interested in
understanding the development of this behavior, take a look at these Parenting
Science articles:

References: Children experience the warm glow of giving

Aknin LB, Hamlin JK, Dunn EW.
2012. Giving leads to happiness in young children. PLoS One. 7(6):e39211.

Aknin LB, Broesch T,
Hamlin JK, Van de Vondervoort JW. 2015. Prosocial behavior leads to happiness
in a small-scale rural society. J Exp Psychol Gen. 144(4):788-95.

Filkowski MM, Cochran
RN, Haas BW. 2016. Altruistic behavior: mapping responses in the brain.
Neurosci Neuroecon. 5:65-75

Harbaugh WT, Mayr U,
Burghart DR. 2007. Neural responses to taxation and voluntary giving reveal
motives for charitable donations.  Science. 316(5831):1622-5.

O’Brien E and Kassirer
S. 2019. People Are Slow to Adapt to the Warm Glow of Giving. Psychol Sci. 30(2):193-204.

Paulus M and Moore C. 2017. Preschoolers’ generosity
increases with understanding of the affective benefits of sharing. Dev Sci. 20(3).

Song Y, Broekhuizen ML,
Dubas JS.  2020. Happy Little Benefactor:
Prosocial Behaviors Promote Happiness in Young Children From Two Cultures. Front
Psychol. 11:1398.

Yang AX and  Urminsky O. 2018. The Smile-Seeking
Hypothesis: How Immediate Affective Reactions Motivate and Reward Gift
Giving.  Psychol Sci. 29(8):1221-1233

Wu Z, Zhang Z, Guo R,
Gros-Louis J. 2017. Motivation Counts: Autonomous But Not Obligated Sharing
Promotes Happiness in Preschoolers. Front Psychol. 2017 May 31;8:867

Image credits

Title image by fizkes / shutterstock

Image of Tanna Island village, Vanuatu, by gg-foto/ shutterstock

Images of the child participating in the experiment are from
the paper by Aknin and colleagues (2012). They appear here under terms of the
Creative Commons Attribution license.

Content last modified 12/2020

Copyright © 2006-2020 by Gwen Dewar, Ph.D.; all rights reserved.

For educational purposes only. If you suspect you have a medical problem, please see a physician.


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